SUDDENLY DETHKLOK
by BattKattColourBlak
Summary: When Laura and Sadee survive more than two concerts of Dethklok without any sort of injury, just what happens to them? Something majorly unusual and confusing, I can promise you that. Rated M for language, frequent sexual references, and blood.


"These two girls."  
>Nathan glared viciously at his Deth-top screen, which had upon its dethly screen the image of two chicks.<br>"Hey Pickles," he said. "Get your fuckin' ass over here and take a look at these chicks."  
>The drummer with the thinning red dreadlocks took a peek at Nathan's deth-top screen. "Yeah man?" He asked. "I see some hot-assed chicks right there. What's up about 'em?"<br>"They survived," growled Nathan, "Three of our concerts."  
>Suddenly, the other members of the band appeared. "Whats is this I hears abouts chicks surviving our concerts?" Asked Skwisgaar. "Are they bangable?"<br>Toki shot a soft glare at the lead guitarist and punched him in the arm. Hard. "Hey, these girl are actuallys pretty bad-assed," he scolded. "These girl are too awesomes to just 'bang'."  
>Skwisgaar rolled his eyes. "Yes, whatevers you says, soft-asses princess pretty-pants-s."<br>Toki shook his fist angrily at Skwisgaar. "Hey, don'ts be an ass just because I'm tryings to respect these girl," he snapped.  
>Nathan stood up. "Guys, shut the fuck up already," he growled. "It doesn't matter if these chicks are bangable or not. Can't you see how brutal these chicks are? Look at them!"<br>The band members looked at the girls.  
>"They're not maimed, dead, or unconscious," Nathan continued. "Three concerts. And they've already gotten tickets to our next one. These chicks are pretty fuckin' brutal."<br>"Yeah, and?" said Murderface. "What the Hell does that have to do with anything? It's just some dumb luck or something."  
>"Dumb lucks or not," replied Skwisgaar. "We need to gets them here so we can bangs them."<br>"We're not banging anyone (right now)," growled Nathan. "But you're right. We need to find these brutal chicks. And make sure. They don't _die_."  
>Suddenly, brutal metal music began to play.<br>*_Make sure. They don't die. Make sure. They don't die._*  
>Just as suddenly, the music stopped.<br>"Wait a second here," called out Pickles. "We're gonna do _what_now?"

**0o0o0**

The two girls in question were about 200 miles away, listening to Dethklok on their laptop. The taller (yet younger) girl sighed in contentment as a particularly BRUTAL guitar-riff began to play.  
>"The beau-tiful harmony of bad-ass and pain and…haaaaaa~~~" She sighed again. The other girl seemed to have passed out from sheer brutal happiness.<br>The taller of the two poked the mini-brunette thing. "Hey Laura! Wake up Murmaider is about to come on!"  
>'Laura' blinked. "Wha, Sadee?" She murmured. "Don't bug me; I'm in my bloody happy-place…haaaaa…."<br>Mercedes (a.k.a. 'Sadee') shook her head in wonder. "You's a silly," she said. "Just…you's a silly."  
>Laura grinned. "This ain't as good as being at their concerts, though," she stated. "I can't <em>wait<em> until next week…"  
>Sadee nodded in agreement. "I know…fourth one, eh?"<br>Laura laughed. "Yeah. Remember how we said we would get tattoos if we survived more than three concerts?"  
>"On our asses?" Replied Sadee. "Shit, I forgot about that."<br>Then, Sadee said: "Ya know, I wouldn't mind getting a tramp-stamp of their symbol. That'd be pretty bad-ass."  
>Laura looked at her oddly. "Yeah, but that's not your ass, that's your lower back. I'm just gonna get a fuckin' Dethklok butterfly. Dethklok makes even butterflies and baby pandas brutal."<br>The sound of a helicopter could be heard in the distance. "Huh," commented Sadee. "Maybe somebody's getting medi-vac'd."  
>Laura shrugged. "I'll ask my mum later," she said.<br>Then the earth started to shake.  
>"What the bloody hell?" Yelled Laura.<br>"I guess not!" Yelled Sadee.  
>Suddenly, glass shattered in the living room behind them. Turning, the girls saw a large brick with silver spikes glued on its surface lying on the floor surrounded by shards.<br>"…What the fuck?" Sadee mumbled.  
>Before Laura could respond, tall men (and one midget) wearing black executioners' hoods began to file into the room. One of them pulled out a bag and dumped multiple bags out onto the floor, nodding at the others. Within seconds they had both girls bound, gagged, and blinded by sacks pulled over their heads.<br>Laura promptly began to freak the fuck out.  
>"WHAT'RE YOU DOING LETUSGOOOO!" she screamed through a rag. Mercedes said nothing and worked quite cooperatively with the men, surprising herself.<br>Within moments they felt themselves being lifted through the air.  
>"…Sadee? Where are they taking us?" Laura whispered.<br>"I have no idea, but I don't think they're going to hurt us. Just go with it," Sadee replied.  
>Laura blinked. "…fuck."<p>

**0o0o0**

The Kloketers dragged the two bagged chicks up to the table in the hall of Deth.  
>"Sires," said one of them. "We have brought you the females that you have requested."<br>Nathan raised a brutal eyebrow. "Why is one bag squirming and making sounds?" He asked. "Weren't you supposed to chloroform them, number 452?"  
>Number 452 shrugged. "We forgot the chloroform. I apologize greatly, sires."<br>Skwisgaar crossed his arms. "You are not forgivins," he said huffily. "Unconscious chicks are much easier to bangs." Toki punched Skwisgaar in the arm.  
>One of the bags almost jumped out of 452's arms. The other could be heard saying, "Hey, didn't I tell you to just go with it?"<br>"But they're talking about fucking us!" The first one yelled back.  
>"Yeah, and it sounds like Skwisgaar. Are you surprised?"<br>The first bag stopped squirming. "Wait a second…"  
>Nathan waved a hand (brutally). "You are dismissed, Klokateers!"<br>Toki smiled. "Your works have been much appreciated."  
>The second bag got quiet. "…Toki?" It squeaked.<br>The bag slowly began to loosen, and it fell to the ground to reveal a skinny little brunette with long hair, brown eyes, and dethly pale skin. Holding a knife.  
>She raised a hand. "Hey."<br>Murderface turned to look at Nathan. "_This_ is supposed to be brutal? What is she, like, 20?"  
>The girl looked down at the ground. "19," she muttered. Then she looked back up. "AND," she became noticeably louder, eyes hardening. "You guys are lucky my instincts told me to trust your jackasses or they'd probably be splattered all over my living room floor leaving innard stains in my carpet. That's what happened to the <em>last<em> guy to smash in that window." She slipped her knife into a leather sheath hanging from her belt. She seemed to instantly calm down. "I wouldn't advise doing that again."  
>From the other bag, still lying on the floor, the other girl piped up.<br>"…Sadee, get me the hell out of this bag so I can see what's going on."  
>"Oh, right," the brunette replied, once again pulling out her knife.<br>None of the band members said a word for a moment while a significantly smaller (and younger looking) brunette (with probable D-cups) was freed from her bag. Once she managed to stand and take a look around her, she looked over at them.  
>"…COOOOOOL!" She began to bounce up and down excitedly. "You guys are Dethklok! You're totally awesome!"<br>This time it was Nathan's turn to look at the two questioningly.  
>"Wait a minute. <em>you two<em> are the ones that survived our concerts without disfigurement?"  
>'Sadee' nodded. "And before you ask, Laura's even older than I am, despite how it looks."<br>Without anyone in the room saying a word, they all somehow knew that Skwisgaar was formulating a way to get them both back to his room by the end of the night. 'Laura' chose that instant to add,  
>"And I'm not interested in sex. <em>With any of you,<em>" she added pointedly, looking pointedly at said blond guitarist. "I never have been and never will be, and your money doesn't make that any different."  
>The taller girl sighed. "Did you really feel the need to announce this?"<br>"Yes. Yes I did."  
>Laura then spotted something by Toki's hand. Behind her glasses, her dark brown eyes widened. "I see a dragon."<br>Toki looked down at his hand. Beside it, there was a goblet with a dragon for a stand. "Do yous means this?" He asked, pointing at the goblet.  
>Sadee rolled her eyes. "Oh, geeze..."<br>Laura began to bounce up and down again (yes, Skwisgaar noticed) and her eyes darted about the entire area. "Draconic iconography _everwhere_..." she whispered reverently. She did a small twirl. "Dragons...fuck yeah..."  
>Murderface turned to look at Nathan. "How the fuck are these girls metal?" He spat. "I mean, look at that one!"<br>He pointed at the small girl twirling around, evidently in awe of her surroundings.  
>Sadee sighed again. "We're not really 'metal' at the moment," she explained. "We haven't really been triggered yet."<br>The men were silent. "What...the hell is 'triggered' supposed to mean?" Asked Pickles.  
>Laura began to skip around. "Dragons, dragons, dragons!" She sang.<br>Toki smiled and stood up. "I thinks I like these girls," he said, then he leapt over the table and began to chase Laura, who began to laugh a high pitched laugh of pure mania.  
>Sadee shrugged. "Well, you see...hm, a 'trigger' for me is usually an auditory thing. DethKlok and Rammstein are the most effective. It's gotta be something I hear that puts images of horrible, wonderful, bloody things in my head; like disembowelment, vivisection, dismemberment, exploding eyeballs, etc. I get a funny fluttery feeling in my stomach and I start laughing in the most terrifying way. Then I go a <em>little<em> bit homicidal (in a happy way). For Laura, it's a bit different: Things she sees and hears are equally effective. Such as...well, dragons. And she's more gleeful and less scary. She wouldn't go on a killing spree like I would unless she happened to be angry and triggered at the same time."  
>Pickles blinked. "Yeah, but what <em>is<em> triggered?"  
>A loud ripping sound echoed through the hall of Deth. Toki and Laura were ripping apart the discarded bags in a gleeful frenzy.<br>"_This_ bag must be my step-father," said Laura, giggling like some creepy ghost-girl from a horror flick. "Just imagine the blood oozing over his torn flesh as his screams of agony rip through the air! Wheee!"  
>"Yes," agreed Toki. "The sounds of his scream…they are playings like the loudests of screamings!"<br>Sadee pointed at the two 'children' with her thumb. "That, my friends, is what we call 'triggered.'" After saying this, an odd crossed her face (as the sounds of manic giggling and tearing fabric crossed the sonic barrier) "So…why the hell are we here, anyways?"  
>Nathan raised his hand. "Hey… Laura, Toki, get over here!" he growled. The two stopped what they were doing and looked up. As they made their way back to the group, he began to explain why they had summoned the two to Mordhaus.<br>"You two have been deemed two of our most brutal fans. This is even more awesome because you're chicks. We decided to bring you here to make sure you don't die," he said.  
>Mercedes nodded. "Makes sense. But isn't it true that almost everyone you get close to ends up dying a horrible death? Was it really a good idea to bring us here in order to protect us?"<br>The guys went silent.  
>"We gonna makes sure yous don't get hurts, okay?" Toki said, smiling. "This time it's gonna be differents."<br>Murderface crossed his arms. "I still don't see how you two are 'brutal'..."  
>"…Just wait for it, Murderface," Mercedes said. A look of mischief flitted across her face for a split second. "By the way," she began, looking him in the eye, "If we're staying here tonight, would you like to stop by my room after dinner? There's something I want to show you…" She smiled in the strangest way.<br>Oh, the look on his face. "Well sure," he said, putting on his 'ladies' man' face. "I was wondering when you'd ask."  
>Mercedes sighed again. "Alrighty then. Where are we staying?"<br>The guys, again, were silent. For some reason, Toki was still standing with the girls, also staring up at the table expectantly.  
>Nathan sat back. "Uh…"<br>Pickles sighed and rested his head on his fist. "Ya see, I don't think we really thought too far ahead about this," he admitted.  
>"Yeah," continued Nathan. "We only just thought about getting you guys here."<br>Mercedes placed her hand over her face, then she looked back up and _glared_. "Well, I don't know about _you_guys, but _I_ was going to play scary video games tonight. I suggest you lead me to the nearest game console and pop in F.E.A.R. 2." She grinned. "…If you wouldn't mind."  
>For the fourth time, the guys were silent. Then Pickles cleared his throat. "…I think we could make that happen," he said, then he turned to look at Murderface. "That's how <em>that<em> one is brutal."  
>Laura raised a hand like a kid in school. Nathan pointed his hand at Laura. "The table recognizes Laura."<br>Laura put her hand down. "D'ya have DDR?"  
>Toki looked shiftily out of the corners of his eyes. "…yes, yes we do…"<br>Laura's eyes widened. "Must. Play. Or I will die."  
>Nathan slammed his hands on the table. "Okay, DDR now!" He roared.<br>Pickles stood up. "Uh…games are this way," he said.  
>Laura squealed with little kid joy and Murderface grumbled. "That other one <em>might<em> be brutal, but _that_ one isn't."  
>Suddenly, Laura was standing behind Murderface. She had a creepy grin on her face, one that, if it were any other face, would quite probably have split their face in two…like a cheesy Hallowe'en mask, but MUCH creepier since it was a real face. "I will torture you in your sleep with children's shows," she whispered. "When you wake, you will only be able to sing 'Dora the Explorer's' theme song."<br>Then she stood up, her face became slightly normal, and she followed Pickles to the game room.  
>Murderface seemed highly disturbed. "…okay, maybe she is a <em>bit<em>brutal…"

**0o0o0**

"Gentlemen," a tall man standing in front of large television turned to face an arrangement of strange, official looking men. "Dethklok seems to have taken two young girls into their custody. Thus far, we have no information that can explain _why_." The screen behind him changed to a large picture of Mercedes and Laura, smiling, dressed up in detailed Halloween costumes. Mercedes was a blood-coated doctor and Laura was a corpse in a hospital gown.  
>"This one," the camera zoomed in on Mercedes "has been shown to exhibit a behavior and psychological profile similar to that of Hannibal Lecter. We fear she may be extremely dangerous, and that they could be planning on using her as a weapon."<br>The screen then singled out Laura.  
>"As for <em>this one<em>, we know nothing about her. She seems harmless, but it would be best for us if we keep an eye on her."  
>The man dressed in a military uniform called out: "Why not just kill them both? Then we won't have to worry about any of this!"<br>"Or take them in for questioning!" Another man called out. "They may have some information of Dethklok that we know nothing about!"  
>Another man added: "Wait, they just got there! How could they have any information about Dethklok yet? I agree with the general; let us just kill them!"<br>"No," muttered a larger man with long white hair. "We will wait and see what they do. This could be…_interesting_."

_Dun dun duuuuun…_  
><strong>To Be Continued…<strong>

**_Oh Drache my friend Sadee and I are just OBSESSED with Metalocalypse and shit and we wrote this together and ISN'T IT MARVELOUS?_  
><em><span>More will come later. Just wait.<span>_  
><strong>


End file.
